Dear ___________ (fill in assh*** credit company or bank here),
I have had an account with you for the past ___ years. I’ve made 99.9% of my payments on time, and have paid at least double the minimum amounts – even when times were tough. In many cases, I have paid off the balances in full three or four times – and you’ve increased my credit line on 6 different occasions – in response to my ‘excellent’ record of payments and my credit worthiness.
I just received your letter in the mail informing me that you have now cut my credit limit by 50-80% because I didn’t max out my credit limit. This “excess credit” – and thus the definition of “credit” – is there for when (if) I need it – and it’s something that has taken me years of hard work to create, build and maintain.
Now, I appreciate the fact that my credit is a potential liability for your company. But, since I’m a taxpayer, and now a majority shareholder in your company – I want my credit line restored.
I know that you have a “super cool” computer algorithm that goes through all your accounts and looks for any possible reason (or none at all) to reduce your liabilities and that absolutely zero human review takes place before you ruthlessly destroy faith in your company and the loyalty of long time customers.
However, I would respectfully suggest that you add two more factors into your obviously flawed algorithm: a) the lifetime value of me as a customer; and b) the number of years I’ve been doing business with you.
I have been worth tens of thousands of dollars to you in terms of interest payments over the last ____ years – and it just seems to me that it’s really not very sound business practice to completely screw over the people that have consistently paid you tons of cash over many years. But hey, that’s just me.
Since you place absolutely ZERO worth on our business history, and you don’t give a rat’s ass about the money I’ve paid you over the years – I have really good news!
When this recession fades (and it WILL) – I will pay off your balance in full – and then I will close my account (as you might expect).
However, the one thing you should also know is that under zero circumstances will I EVER do business with you or any of your affiliated companies again as long as I live. Not only that – but I will go to great lengths to vocally discourage all of my family, friends, co-workers, business associates, church members, civic groups, and anyone else I come in contact with to do the same.
You may have screwed me over successfully – but you have no idea who I know (and who they know) – and therefore, you have no idea how I can affect your bottom line when things turn around.
So, congratulations! Along with tossing me aside like a piece of sh*t – you’ve also just flushed all of the time and money you’ve spent in successfully marketing to me as well as all the goodwill your brand as created over the past 15 years – and you’ve managed to do it in one, single, 12 sentence letter.